Saturday, 28 March 2009

This is clearly cut and paste week. The Internet is both friend and foe - the ease in which little nuggets can be retrieved is mind blowing, the ability to find such succinct phrase serves to make the rest of us mere mortals realise how poor our English and ability to express is.

I like this definition of Integrity. An unsung word and I fear, an unsung attribute but one on the whole - a good thing to have.

Integrity comes from the Greek words 'integritas' and 'integra' meaning whole. It enters into any aspect of one's life. It's belief system without faltering no matter how dangerous, how unpopular the person makes themselves to others. It includes: sincerity, keeping one's word and agreements, honesty, truthfulness, ethics, fairness and justice, punctuality and never faltering for what one believes in. A quote regarding integrity is 'It is better to have an enemy who keeps his word, than a friend who does not.'

Followed by the Definition of no integrity

Having no Integrity comes from the male word 'Ingratiates and insincere 'meaning A***hole. It enters into the middle age years of life. It's belief system comes to a grinding halt faced with the possibility of walking away from all that is taxing. This may or may not include family and may or may not have been preceded by the fascination of a woman that looks like the mother of any male inflicted with no integrity.

In a bid to keep on having the last say, the sufferer of no integrity may feel compelled to place yet another bill in the name of the Mother of his Children, confident that the lack of financial Independence will cause another strike on the control tally. Lack of integrity will force denial, despite the electricity company claiming written confirmation that said lacking in integrity was no longer residing at the family home and no longer responsible for bills. As such, any such behaviour succeeds in fulfilling the definition of having no integrity at all.

I feel like I am in the playground of life and dealing with the little spiteful squirt that always flicks something at the back of your head when the teacher isn't looking and works hard at looking like the saint when she is.

I went out last night. In my new 'rise above it' phase, I made myself and geed up by the odd stray painkiller and a couple of Vodkas - I was rather glad I did. The woman next to us, overhearing our conversation - told me that her husband walked out after 19 years ago.

"I could spend the rest of my life with you - but I don't want to" He told her

I pointed out that he must have had some morals, since he was polite enough to tell her first.

Anyhow, it turns out they are back together and at this point, he had simply nipped no further than the toilet.

"You are a stronger woman than I am, you must love him very mush" I said

"Actually, I hate him" She said.

Turns out that the children were devastated, and she loves them more than him. When the time is right - she will leave him. I felt so sorry for her. On the other hand, I liked the fact that this man will eventually reap what he sowed because I have always believed that eventually, everybody does.

I was given a bunch of flowers on Friday. A lovely kind person and for no other reason than to make me smile. In the same week I was given a pot of Hyacinths and a box of homemade muffins. At the end of last year, my self esteem was at an all time low - I often doubt myself, I often fear that people don't like me or that I am not nice.

'It' informed me recently that I do the very occasional and odd nice thing, but for most of the time I am a complete bitch. Perhaps he is right - but at the moment I am doubting his words. I am realising that there are far more people around me that care than I ever imagined possible and those little gestures make me realise that perhaps we spend too long worrying about what other people may or may not think. As long as you have people that are prepared to do those kind little gestures, you know that you will be okay because these people care enough to make sure you are okay.

When someone gives you homemade muffins, they are not just giving you cake; they have thought about you, baked them, packaged them and then delivered them and in so doing, found a way to make you realise they are thinking of you. It may be that they feel utterly useless in transforming your life to a place of instant happiness but are just trying to say that they are with you on the way. As long as you have these kind of people around you, you will never really be lonely and current events - no matter how shocking - have made me realise that my low self esteem was my issue and one that I spent so long dwelling on, that I failed to notice all the people around me that really didn't think I was that bad. See, there is good in everything.

Years ago I had a boyfriend that used to tell me that you are born alone and you will die alone. He taught me many things, most did come in handy and most certainly will in the future!!! but I always thought his words were a little harsh. I have realised that in some ways he is right and in others, very wrong. You are not borne alone - you are borne on your own. If you are lucky and you have a life filled with people that care then you will not die alone, by yourself definitely, but certainly not on your own.

You do reap what you sow in life, if you don't take the time to think of others, if you share nothing and give nothing then you may well die alone. The next time a friend of mine has a crisis - I will be making muffins.

What comes around goes around.

Now, having worn out every cliche I can think of, I am going to bed to read school reports.


cani said...

The physical sentiment is real, and just for you - I do not make a habit of asking unknown women if I can sleep with them.

But you are a bit of a special case. You are well fit.

I would die in a ditch to hear you moan, I really would.

4 children and it said...

I have just started my day with a huge smile, for that I thank you.

Personally, I will die in a ditch if I never moan again.