I have more to write. I am avoiding the sleeping tablet for another 30 minutes because to despite being necessary, I have a love hate relationship with sleep. It is utterly boring but once there, I don't want to get up.
I met with my Nemesis today - the Headmaster. The man I love to hate and like every Nemesis - has some similarities with myself. We both think we are right, we both think each other wrong. He cannot bear me and likewise, me him. I have a deep seated sense of righteousness, so does he - but what really bugs him about me is when he makes hot air filled promises of what his school does and I don't agree -I hold him accountable. This is a long winded and inevitable battle since a lot of his words contain a lot of air.
I met with him because one child is in a difficult place. He has needs that have never been met (a familiar theme) and having got to a point where I unable to forge ahead, I had to go to him and ask for help. It was a little more forceful than that. I rang, he ignored it. I rang again, he ignored me again and so it went on. I drove to school and decided not to leave until he did notice me and to be fair - he sensed I was going no where fast and saw me. He saw how utterly unattractive I was looking and in a bid to boost my self esteem he said
"You are clearly ill"
I did not go in battle. I went in desperation, asking for help. There was no blame because it had got past that point. I simply needed help to get out of a situation that I could not get out of alone and do you know what? He was nice.
Another lesson learned. Try things from a different angle, admit you need help and you might get a different reaction. I am not sure if it should last but me admitting that I needed help is a unique event and it didn't feel as bad as I had feared. I didn't feel like I had failed - I felt that I had tried everything and had nothing to lose. I lost nothing and gained some help. I am not entirely happy with this. I feel like I have found religion and that is something I have argued against for years.
Another note. I have some cyber friends that over the years have made me laugh, cry, got the best of my wit and shared experiences with. Very few I have ever met and yet I know well. I am not really one for internet forums but this one is a unique place for parents of special children. I have not posted on the forum for some time - since discovering that it is a fabulous place for some family members to delve into your life without the respect of calling to ask how you are first. The downside is that I have missed out - the plus is that so have the stalkers.
In another Oscar awards platitude to all the fabulous people I have met - thank you.
To all those that read my words - if there is anything you want to ask me, try speaking. Obviously this does not apply to this blog. If you don't know me and you call - I will take out an injunction. If you do know me and reading simply because you are insatiably curious and have not spoken with me - bear in mind that though not the brightest (I met him recently) I am not stupid. I hope the burning pain of shame is piercing through you.
Gosh, that felt good.