There are many things in life that are bad for you. Looking after too many children with a bad knee is not particularly good. Drinking three glasses of wine and taking two sleeping tablets may allow you sleep - but like many things, take some time to leave your system. When the subsequent damage of staying upright for 12 hours shows its face in your inability to walk the next day - it is a very bad idea to then take a strong pain killer. Necessary, but very bad.
I never understood drugs. Never understood why anyone would put something in their mouth, with the safety assurance of a drug dealer. If this is how you feel when you are drugged to the eyeballs, I will never understand why you would chose to feel like this on a daily basis.
It would be fair to say, I am making a choice. I recognise that an inability to do what is right - is contributing to a situation in which I am rattling. So simple to lie on the sofa with my foot in the air, but yet such an impossible task. HOW, do you get to lie on the sofa when you have 4 children to chase, clothes to wash, sandwiched to make, baths to run, bedtimes to complete.
I am having a moment of sheer and utter exhaustion, a moment of feeling fed up, overwhelmed and full of nasty thoughts. Still: the things I want to say, the things I feel like doing are staying contained - so I guess, I must be doing okay.
I am breathing but there feels like there is a fish bone stuck in my throat. Yes a moment of sheer self pity. It won't last.