I am more than a little tiddly.

In true cheap date mode, I have had two glasses of wine, having spent a couple of hours with a neighbour that has just lost her mother. As a result of suddenly losing her mother, she has her father living with her.

Life can change in an instant and before you know it you are facing things that the day before you didn't even consider. When this happens, you don't have time to think about it - you just deal with it.

Dealing with it, as I have learnt myself, means that you invariably do not have time to recognise the most important factor, which is you. If you do not make sure that you are okay, then you will not be okay in dealing with everyone else. It is something that I have been learning all year.

Ironically I signed up for an online business mentor this evening. I do recognise that the reason I have never done anything for myself - is the fear that I might not achieve it. Yet the fear is what guarantees that I will never achieve it. So in signing up I have recognised that I literally have to feel the fear and do it anyway. Or at least try.

It seems that there are two areas that stuff people: Fear and an inability to put their own needs first. Since I have signed up to someone helping me, I have also signed up for doing a tiny something for my neighbour.

I cannot ease her grief, I cannot make her responsibilities easier, but if I can make sure that she realises the importance of her, then I will have achieved something.

So this weekend I have threatened to revisit with my diary. In it will be her name, once a month for at least a year. Be it sauna or pub, she will be dragged away from her responsibilities, the roles she plays and the tasks she has to achieve. This woman has poured wine and listened my outpourings of trauma, excitement and confusion and all without question. When people give, they have an impact. If that impact is that you are willing to help someone else, then it is a big impact.

Never ask of others what you are not prepared to give yourself. The balance would be all wrong and eventually it will all catch up with you.

On a more superficial note. I take back what I said about not sweating in the gym. I went this morning. All that was missing was the light at the end of the tunnel.

there is a chance that none of this makes sense. Blame the wine. I shall make sandwiches in the morning