I am exhausted.

I struggled with 6.30am this morning. Have been to work again, walked the Bitch twice and been to the gym. I still ache from yesterday and I ache even more today.

There was an open day at the Gym, so the teenager came. I am on a mission to motivate him. He lasted 5 minutes on the treadmill before he felt sick. I fear this may be more to do with an unhealthy level of sleeping. We had a long debate on fitness level. I fear that he struggles with the concept that exercise is about your self and not about competition.

When someone has been behaving really horridly, it is hard to overlook that and spend time with them. The frustration about children is that when they behave really hideously, it normally means that you need to spend more time with them.

Its a tough call. Child behaves badly and you want to behave equally badly by saying you want nothing to do with them. Yet you are the adult, remembering this is sometimes harder than any of the minor tasks you have to fulfill. Children do and say some really unkind things when they are hurt or angry. The things that they want to say are then the things that they become totally incapable of saying. It is up to the adult to see past the behaviour and see what is really going on. This is no easy task.

They push you and they test you. When there are deeper issues afoot it is like having a toddler. When they may be insecure, they think that you don't like them. They try and get you to prove it by being vile. When you respond in a way that fits their own perception, all you achieve is proving their inner believe that they are not nice.

What is so staggeringly sad is that sometimes, it follows through into adulthood. I have met more than my fair share of adults that did not get the validation they sought as a child - so they seek it as an adult. Testing, pushing, trying to get you to prove that they are no good. When you don't give them what because you think they are, they simply test further. When you do give them what they need, they don't believe you because deep down, they don't believe it themselves. It sucks.

Sometimes stuff happens like divorce, death, health issues, bullying - whatever. Some children sail through, some don't. Some carry a huge amount of anger, some carry a huge amount of fear. Most cannot articulate it. As adults we have two choices: see the actions at face value and respond with withdrawal or try and understand those actions and carry on doing what we all promised to do as a parent - which was to always be there.

It is the hardest promise you can make but it is simply what you do. No one promised you would like your children, but they are your children. There are times when I can visualise strangling some of mine but they didn't ask to be here. It was my choice.

So he is still a pain in the proverbial, but for an hour - there was no washing on the floor, no shoes kicked in the hall way and no dirty plates in the sink. For the briefest moment, I and my gorgeous son spent time together and enjoyed it. Tomorrow he may well go back to being offensive but I know that the one thing he is certain of, is that I will always love him. That is what being a parent has to be about. It's not about being right. It is simply being.

I will hold on to this. Tomorrow, I may want to wring his neck.

On a more superficial level. I am a little disappointed at the level of attractiveness of fellow gym goers. The women are all simply gorgeous but sadly, not area of great joy for me. I think the gorgeous men were hired in for publicity purpose. So far the visual stimuli has been a tad off putting. I appreciate that people join gyms when they are unfit or old but I need more motivation in my bid to become more fit and younger.

Exhausted, aching and robbed.