I fear that my inner child takes over to much of the adult me and has done for the larger portion of my life. My inner child is the one in which I never really truly believe that I can keep up the pretence of being an adult. Inner child is the one that screams
"You are going to get found out" each and every time I attempt something adult.
Adult me is the one that loved writing. Adult me would write things for the love of it, send them off and get them published. At one point, I received two commissions for The Times. I did them. Inner child started screaming
"You are going to get found out. They are going to discover that you cannot write"
So I stopped. If I didn't write, I could not get found out. Simple
So today I got to pretend I was a PR and Marketing guru again. I wasn't being paid and at the present moment am happy to practise. Only this time it was different. Inner child shut up and adult me started enjoying herself. I gave them a couple of ideas that they had not considered. I also gave them the contact of someone they could do with having work for them, making sure that I would benefit from future discount if they did.
I left with a smile. I was not smiling because I gained anything financial. I gained a little moment of thinking that perhaps, I could do things. I recognise that the only person that never believed I could - was me. Perhaps, If I started believing in my own abilities, I really could achieve something.
I recognise a lot about other peoples inner child. It seems that I know too many people with the same issues. On the whole those seem to be on a more personal level. It seems that often the work side of things is the one area that they channel all of their self esteem into and it is the emotional side they are less competent in. Clearly, I am the opposite.
I get people. I can see through the rubbish. I think I may even scare people in an ability to see through their rubbish. I saw through mine many years ago and have chosen to not deal with it by simply analysing everyone else.
So I am done with that now. If you think you can bluff me with bravado, think again. If you think I can bluff myself, it is a work in progress. By the end of it - expect big things.
And for all those that I know who are too scared to deal with their bravado. Do it
1 comment:
Right Missie: here's quotation that might like like -- with apologies for any slight inaccuracy. From the American writer, H.R. Mencken: "Confidence is the feeling that, so far, nobody suspects." See. I have been feeling like someone is going to find me out my entire life. Lots of people feel like this, I would suspeect. If the author felt like this, well, he was a writer of consummate skill and wit. So there you have it. It's a common feeling. You just have to do things with good faith anyway! And may I say that some folks have too much faith in their own ability, which is never an attractive quality. Intelligence and flair -- even genius-- should always be mitigated by modesty. And there I have you, I think. x
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