Titanium Will

I went to visit someone at the Bath Clinic yesterday, following their hip replacement operation. Apparently, the procedure cost a total of £9k. Most of us would be cut open by the NHS and I am sure that the lack of on tap coffee and the surgeons Mercedes, must have some bearing on cost. Even so, it is a fairly pricey procedure.

So it got me thinking. As we live longer and parts degenerate, we are more likely to be filled with Titanium, Stainless Steel and Silicone than ever before. So is it worth negotiating? In a society where people are 'apparently' more conscious of environmentally aware practise it seems that we are missing a golden opportunity in reducing the cost of living longer - by offsetting it against our own ability to be a little more carbon neutral.

When you get cremated, your hip joint will not be a pile of ash. It will be a glowing red piece of tarnished Titanium. Since it will annihilate the grinder, it will be removed. Your left gait will then be no more that scrap metal.

I can see where this is going. In years to come, we will be so resource short that Britain's church yards will be full of the metal detector brigade. Almost every grave will emit a loud shrill and the middle of the night will see the return the bounty hunters. It will be a full circle to the 19th century days of grave robbing. Each and every hip and knee joint, every steel plate, will all be cash in hand for a new type of scrap metal dealer.

The new airport x-ray machines will pinpoint your titanium and your personal file will be updated. Should you keel over, someone, somewhere will know exactly what your assets are.

In the mean time, ask for a discount with a written agreement that they can have your joint back on your death. Perhaps they could even be passed on through the family.

"Dearest Daughter, I pass to you my left hip - may it give you as much pleasure and movement as it did me"

Just a thought