Out of the mouths

I had hypnotherapy today. At the end of it, I was warned that it would not be an easy process. I fear that may be quite accurate. It would appear that a lot of our basis of perception is rooted firmly in subconscious memories we have from way back when.

The things that make us what we are today are from messages we pick up too young to have been aware. Equally, the things that prevent us being what we could or should be are so fundamental to out subconscious that we are not even aware of their existence. What I perceive as being open is actually a front for being open. A sort of double bluff. Large concrete and seemingly invisible blocks.

I suggested to an older offspring that it may be prudent for me to pay for him to have counselling now.

"If there is one thing I can guarantee" say I,

"Is that somewhere along the line I will have inflicted monumental and inadvertent psychological damage. Perhaps getting it dealt with now will preempt 20 years of self defeating behaviour"

Clearly I wasn't being serious. Whilst I am certain that I will have screwed him up somewhere, only time will tell how much and how much blame will be attached. I anticipate it and will take it on the chin accordingly.

"I am quite aware of my issues and quite comfortable with them" he replied.

Out of the mouths of babes. I fear though, that anyone who is quite comfortable with issues may have bigger issues further down the line. The word issue should be key.

I was also informed that the fact that I was not like other mothers and did not think like most people, was in fact a good thing. I am not entirely sure how to respond to this. I figure it has to be better than the acute embarrassment I felt as a child, upon the realisation that my mother was not entirely like others. Since I never claimed to think like anyone else - I shall take it as a compliment for the short period that it will be meant as one.

I was sent a large book today. Two inches worth of being mindful. I have been instructed to meditate. Apparently it is based on an 8 week course. I feel it would have been less intimidating if it had been in 8 small books rather than one I could use as a draught excluder. The book is so big that it raises anxiety by merely looking at it.

So far I have read 43 pages. The person that sent it is so deeply into meditation that I will feel a dismal failure if I haven't followed instruction. He is currently on a retreat in Mexico and will have expected some roads into this book by his return.

So far, I have achieved three minutes of mindfulness and understood an experiment of eating raisins one by one and very slowly. There is stuff I already know. Having spent hours pouring over my health and psychology bible, I fully understand the impact of stress on health. I understand the issues with tension, fatigue and nausea.

I draw the line at any form of spots. I have a spot. As a result of the spot I am embracing mindfulness. Not only shall I read the book, understand it and practise it, I shall never have another spot again. Ever.

I was telling a family member that I was going to have some hypnotherapy. They were not overly enthused. I was given a clear warning that this can lead to unearthing things that are best left unearthed. The proverbial can of worms.

I figure this: if you feel that some places in your head are places best left alone, then they are probably things that need to be dealt with. You can throw the ironing in the cupboard but you still know it is there. Hiding mess doesn't make it go away, it keeps coming back and niggling away until it is dealt with.

I learnt this today - dealing with the thing you do not want to is not going to be easy. Things that are not easy do not go away unless they are faced.

If you have hypnotherapy, make sure you are wearing waterproof mascara. To not do so will scare everybody.