When being me isn't me

An interesting night and one sure to cause much reflection.

I was set up. Spontanious BBQ, requested early attendance to assist friend, who turns out to be single. I am touched, initially not overly delighted but in fact, it was a lovely thoughtful gesture and it wasn't a man that was weird, short, ugly or old.

In fact, as a hard core runner and cyclist - he was a man in good shape and as the evening progressed, it was clear that there was potential for something, not sure what but definately something.

However, he is a good looking, man partly transformed from his military history but burdened by family duty which frankly, makes him very............traditional.

Traditional is not necessarily good, traditional can step into old fashioned, which can step into narrow minded. Narrow minded is never good. Family duty is admirable but to the level this man is bound, probably a curse. Bound by tradition and responsibility is an unlikely combination to appeal long term. I fear Responsibility is drawn of duty and not the same as being driven - which is far sexier. I suspect that the reality is that I am simply too challenging for a man like this and in fact I have met another cute man that stands zero chance of ever understanding me.

Now I have an issue. Nice man, nice body - both something I could benefit from for a short period and not something likely for a long term.

In some senses, this is all great - I am not sure I want a long term. On another level it raises issues for me, such as getting involved with someone you have no intention of anything serious occuring, is so far removed from the me that is currently me that I am quite perplexed.

Me being me is not a moral judgement, it never has been. It is just very me.

Last night made me question whether I should drop the old me completely and just start having fun. He did have nice legs and so I feel it sensible to review my thought process.

It also taught me that I was right about other things. Gut instinct and sexual attraction are not mutially exclusive. Having one without the other is just different.

Sometimes I think I think too much