Having to work to pay all the bills and support the children is turning into an eye opener. Not the working, that is not an issue and really, being in control of my own life is always going to be better than someone else controlling it, but in terms of managing time and the effect on the children.
I worked all week. I am having to work 4x the amount I should because I am working in an area that I know little about. Working for yourself means that a lot of the time you are working, you are not actually earning any money at all. The days are shorter because of the children and so that doubles the time. One day without children is like two days with. Without children, you can start early and finish late. With children and you are running from task to task and never really feeling as if you have achieved anything.
So this week was full on. Tuesday, with the added requirement of attending some kind of group meeting, I left the house at 8.30 and got home at midnight. Weds, I left at 8.30 and got home at 7pm. The rest of the week were just school hour days, and I then worked Saturday and Sunday. Somehow I managed to get some food shopping and finally got the washing done. I am not sure how and I think I saw the children but I cannot actually remember when.
Last week was their first holiday in childcare, the novelty of which ran thin fairly rapidly. They are used to holidays where they get to lie in, where they get to go out and generally we all sigh with collective relief to have a break from the hell that is the school week. No more - from now on they will get holidays in childcare. I suspect they will not be overjoyed and frankly, I missed them and they missed being at home.
One of the small ones is still clingy and this is not helping. Tummy ache on the phone on Saturday and 2 episodes of night terrors all ready and it's only 11pm. Pile it on. I have a guaranteed 48hours of trying behaviour before some kind of normality returns.
It is times like this week that I feel I might be inclined toward penis envy. I used to think it was strange that it was on the whole, an assumption that women were the ones to be the resident parent. I could understand that from my experience they were the ones that were closer to their children and more in tune with their needs but I had a mental block with the assumption.
If I meet a non resident father that says he works hard in the week, I may be forced to punch him. If you think working all week is hard, you should try doing it whilst looking after 4 children. Oh and add alternate weekends on to the list too. I think I have finally worked out why so many men are so keen to walk away from responsibility, because the real responsibility is just plain hard and for some, just too hard. Perhaps this is the test of a real man.
And on another aggrieved note. It is round one in court this week. Aggrieved because it all such a waste of money. I originally requested that round one was an FDR, which is a way in which you go with the intention of trying to come up with agreement that avoids all the extra court dates. The opposing side agreed, except they didn't actually answer any questions.
You cannot go into an FDR without all the information. So it was changed back to a first directions appointment. The judge resides, you burn money at a barrister and all that is going to happen is that the judge will decide which bits of paper really are required and tells you to go away and find them.
Having seen the other sides Form E, there were a few questions asked. Actually, having read the form E - there were a few things that I had to read and reread in incredulity. Some of the things on left me so stunned that I had to laugh hysterically, for some time. So staggering that I have decided to save it all for prosperity. If people can actually convince themselves the truth in untruths, then the world is indeed a scary place and I fear for my children.
So fundamentally, you only go to an FDA because one or both of you is not being open and honest and providing all the information they have been asked to. What you are doing is spending thousands on something that could have been done for nothing. This is what I call true insanity.
On the plus side, this is not my insanity and I know that as soon as this protracted, money burning episode of my life is over, I can actually get on with my life.
Children are more important than money ever could be.
Now that is perspective.
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