Tuesday, 6 January 2009

I have a new love in my life, in the form of a Land Rover Discovery! Delivered as a replacement to mine whilst it is repaired, I have decided they can keep the too many children bus, and I will have this. So much more fun to drive, though it is a bit like driving a combination of a tractor and a children's bouncy castle. 

There are other disadvantages too - not used to an automatic, I keep slipping it into neutral and for some reason, I feel like as I should be wearing driving gloves and checked trousers. I did wear leather gloves this morning but only because it was so cold, and I do have a pair of checked trousers - it is a combination that for the next couple of weeks that I shall avoid.

Coming back from school in my new toy, I felt it somehow appropriate to listen to Radio 4. I lasted precisely 4 minutes before the image of gloves, checked trousers and Radio 4 became to vivid. In fear that I would start hankering after an Aga and membership to the Kingsdown Golf club, I swiftly switched to more modern acoustics. 

'It' has a Discovery but his has not got leather seats, is generally full of filthy motorbike equipment and I rarely got to drive it. It also  lacks the appeal of tan leather and light up make up mirror. I did have some difficulty finding floor space to dump the offspring's belongings but i have finally worked out that the more space I have, the more they fill it. Perhaps if I got a Ford KA and made them sit on the roof - I may for a brief period in my life , actually see a floor mat.

The Bitch was sorted yesterday. Drugged and minus half of her uterus she is behaving impeccably. I imagine that this is what it must be like to half a calm, well behaved dog. I am thinking of starting a black market dog drug consortium for those that are desperately trying to get through the first couple of years of a large lively velocerapter, cunningly disguised as a dog.

I had a moment of sheer inspiration on my knee operation predicament. If I had an automatic left hand drive car, I would be able to drive without using my right knee. I was quite excited at my flash of problem solving inspiration, until my kind neighbour pointed out that I was more than slightly thick and that the peddles are in the same order, regardless of where the steering column. He had a fair point.

I am getting increasingly more nervous of my knee operation. What if I am that small statistic that it all goes wrong for. Should I write letters to the children? Am I the only mother that goes to bed and has awful nightmares about all the things that could happen to their children - the large wave that washes them away and that split second when you have to decide to jump in but doing so leaves another tiny one alone on the pier in the middle of a storm?

I need therapy

1 comment:

Super Hans said...

Some other disadvantages you migth of forgotten: The fume scaused by your needlessly large vehicle, the nightmares that you cause around Bath and the zero chance of survival for anything more considerate in your path. Well done.