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Sunday, 18 January 2009

I feel better. It would be fair to say that given the reality of life at present, it is becoming tricky to write what I really think and trickier still to write about the normal mundane aspects of life. I have decided two things, one is that there are still parts of my life that are mundane and the other is that I shall have to find another venue for my reality and my thoughts. Partly because it would be inappropriate to subject the downfall of my marriage to local news (I could be swayed by national) but more importantly that I aware that the genetic mafia have infiltrated my blog. I have inheritance and baby sitting to consider.

I was thinking of a new updated version of Bridget Jones - one in which she starts with everything: The husband, the children, the range cooker, the dog. Then it all goes horribly wrong and she ends up single again but this time she is old, tired, unemployed and has an intermittent hair appear on her chin. With the odds stacked against her - she never meets another man but does write a tragic sitcom and is happily loaded forever more.

So an update. My leg is still on back to front. The RUH canceled and said that they would reschedule when they have stopped canceling patients. That was a week ago, so I guess they are still shuffling people of the list. Apparently, there is a bed shortage. It must be quite severe since dosed up with both general and local anaesthetic they only let you lie in a bed for three hours anyway. On the plus side "It' read my blog and has offered to help should I need it. So there is communication in a modern cyber kind of way

I have finally replaced the camera. Two weeks of dealing with people that have IQ that only just scrape double figures, I received a plastic card to use at Currys. I was expecting a camera so the parcel was disappointingly small. 'It' said that he had a call on Friday to say that they could not get it at Currys, so they would send a card so that I too would have immense difficulty finding that model. They were right - it had been discontinued. I finally found one in Chippenham but am still trying to understand the logic of sending me a card, to use in a place where they already know that they don't sell them. Perhaps I will gain employment after all.

On that note, a rather sweet comment from Chris in Peasdown. If only he were a recruitment consultant! I feel that should he ever seek a change in employment - he could easily write peoples CV's. I think he should write mine but not forgetting the bit about huge wages, short days and long holidays.

The teenager is revising for a science GCSE module tomorrow morning. He is worried. Apparently, he has mastered the multiple choice (actually quite tricky when you have an IQ that would scare most) but was concerned that on the last paper it said, 'If an atom was part of a plum pudding, which part of the plum pudding would it be'.

I was in hysterics, certain he was joking but apparently not, it was a deadly serious question. 'I know what makes up an atom,' he said "But I have no idea what a plum pudding is made of.' I shall phone Bath Spa tomorrow and register for the Physics course. Clearly with my extensive knowledge of cooking and complete inabiliy to understand Physic, I shall pass with a first class honours. In the hope that he passes, I am sending him to bed with the best of Delia.

Last week I email Bath college and asked if I could complete some unpaid work experience. Having decided that honesty was the best approach, I admitted my long term relationship with children's television, my age and my unwillingness to add so much gloss to a CV that you could see your reflection in it. NO response.

Having been bought up to believe that lying gets you nowhere, I see once more that Mother was wrong. People want you to lie and it is only when you big yourself up to such a degree that you actually smell - that you get anywhere. So if anyone out there is reading this - I have been a well published author for the last 15 years, successfully marketed for 4 blue chip companies and written copy for some international corporations.

If, in the short period that I wait for offers to come rolling in - anyone needs a cleaner on the Bradford side of Bath - I might know of one, but she won't clean for less that ten pounds per hour and like me, is a bit mouthy. She might declutter for 20, give relationship advice for 30 or tell you what is wrong with your interior design for about the same.

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