After a 18 months of abuse, he that should not be mentioned emails to ask if I need any help with childcare in the holidays. With only 3 weeks until the next court date, suspicion is aroused. Apparently he is no longer angry. Since any increase in contact has previously led to a decrease in income, I remain sceptical.
Having agreed that he would not want his children to be raised in Trowbridge, he then went on to tell me all of he reasons why his children should be raised in Trowbridge. Non of those reasons were for the benefit of the children.
Then I receive an email from his parents. An email in which they were utterly horrid about their eldest Grandparent. Apparently, adding to the acrimony, telling a child you will take sides and that you loathe his Mother is all perfectly acceptable as long as you send gifts. When said child has no wish to accept the gifts on the basis that the behaviour was such that should not warrant being condoned - then you are free to send an email stating that this child is selfish, spiteful, ignorant and self centred.
So I send an email back stating that I am glad that they feel comfortable behaving in such an unkind manner, but their need to be so mean about their Grandson said more about them than it ever could about him. The response back..... I need some form of therapy.
And perhaps they are right. But the difference is that if I thought I needed counselling, I would get it. In fact, since having had to come to terms with what really went on with this marriage - I did have therapy. Far more dangerous are those that think they are beyond any need.
So I range he who should not be mentioned, who considered there was nothing really wrong with his parents latest correspondence and since he didn't write it - it had nothing to do with him. It appears that he believes that since my own family and one of his, have wisely and maturely taken the course of not putting the children in the middle of this, they must be ****** saints.
They will be delighted. My father spent most of my childhood claiming he was in fact, God.
And perhaps I thought so too. I certainly placed him on his very own pedestal. One that he fell off for a long period until I accepted that he was in fact human. That is the thing about parenthood, we all stuff up and we all make mistakes but surely the mark of a good parent is one that can accept those imperfect moves and acknowledge them. When it comes to my own offspring, I refuse to sort every little thing for them, but when it comes to protecting them emotionally then you had better be prepared for a long fight.
For a 15 year old to witness a broken home is not a great thing. I fear far worse than of a younger age. A pinnacle and confusing period of your life and one that can probably leave a bigger impact than at any other time. Suddenly your life is turned upside down. Your standard of living drops, you have no stability since you don't know if you are staying in your home. Too stubborn to articulate, too proud to acknowledge fear and hurt, then it is down to the adults around to be in tune with what is really going on. For those adults that cannot acknowledge this, they may as well stamp on his head.
For any child that remains this angry or this stubborn has an issue and one that is completely understandable. What is not, are the actions of anyone that adds to it. For Grandparents to feel they have the right or desire to write words that can only cause hurt and for a Father that fails to acknowledge any responsibility in contributing to a situation where one child has felt he had to make such a stand that he refuses contact with both.
Sometimes Divorce is necessary. The acrimony, the extended damage to children and using property and money to try and exert power over another is not. It is clear that there are some that will fight for everything they can get at the cost of everyone else.
Maybe they will get what they want, but in doing so will risk losing the things that make life what it is. Friendship comes from giving, Love comes from giving, respect comes from giving, integrity from within.
All cost nothing and all are priceless. When you can look someone in the eye, you know you are being genuine.
So the children's future is dependent on me to provide it and a third party to decide what is best for them. It should be the parents but given the current situation, this has to be a better option
I remain sceptical.
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