Tuesday 10 July 2012

Complementary technology, my arse


**
In a bid to become more productive, I have been wrestling with an online to-do list. In concept it isn't hard - simply select your tasks, tap them onto your list, achieve your tasks and tick complete.

Nothing is that simple for me. The concept of being organised just doesn't sit naturally. I am so reliant on natural chaos that the thought of being organised scares me. In order to be this super efficient person, I will have to change my mindset completely and in doing so,  lose part of my identity.

Being organised would be as uncomfortable as not caring about shoes. To dispense with superficiality would mean completely re figuring the traits my personality is dependent upon. In the blink of an eye, I would be an efficient beast that looked at people in a stern manner. Of course, this would require looking up since I will have lost 4 inches in height as a result of the comfy footwear.

I struggled with the idea until I asked my colleague whether I had skills that compensated for my utter incompetency with anything requiring mastery of modern concept. Apparently I do, so I went back to sticking post it notes on my computer screen and she returned to rolling her eyes in despair.

By the end of the day I had inputed a couple of tasks, such as 'master rememberthemilk'. I noted that in my personal list was 'read electricity meter' - this had been written 8 months ago, it's still there. The electricity meter has never been read and I just allow them to take money out. In my mind, my denial saves time and thus makes me more productive. I think

Added to the list today - send compliment. A work colleague had received an email offering praising for work delivered that had exceeded expectation. It's no surprise to anyone else since she is so efficient she has potential to be formidable but as she said - receiving a compliment can truly make the difference to ones day.

And she's right. Think back to the times when someone has opened a door for you, picked something up you may have dropped, admired an outfit or praised you for a gesture. A few words acknowledging something about you, no matter how small - can truly brighten a day and raise a smile.

I thought about it and sent her an email.

Dear Veronica,

Nice tits

Kind regards,
Sophie

Now clearly this is not language that you would hear me utter, but the art of writing is to do so in a manner that captures the attention of the reader and makes a lasting impression.  I considered my choice of words to be a winning combination on both counts.

She was grinning for some time, a remarkable result I thought. As  a result of this positive reaction, the task 'send compliment' shall now become a permanent feature of my to-do list. Paying compliment should become a viral task, the whole universe will feel much jollier as a result

On returning home an email alert appeared on my mobile


Great arse
Best wishes,
Veronica

It would appear that you do indeed reap what you sow.







Saturday 7 July 2012

Think productive, you litte Ninja

My blog would seem an odd place to review a book but since this was always about revelations on myself and others - it is an entirely appropriate place. I have an inordinate respect for Graham Allcott. He has an interesting history, keen social entrepreneur and founder of both social and charitable enterprise. I could witter on about his many successes but really, they are  precisely what you would expect from someone who clearly has natural insightful and who happens to have mastered that art of productivity.


Yep, he's done great but the real source of respect comes for Graham Allcott being the mind behind Think Productive - a company that made me cry.


Now it is well documented that those that make me cry, have generally had a deep impact on my life and no matter the pain of the moment, will always afford a positive gain.


I'm pretty certain that there was nothing in the Think Productive manual about making people cry but they didn't flinch. It seems that in order to be productive you have to stop trying so hard to be productive. Self placed expectation was leading to the constant guilt about not achieving enough. It was this that was  making me deeply unproductive. This revelation - apparently obvious to everyone else, was a bolt from the blue to me. So I cried, quite a lot.


So when Graham Allcotts new book 'How to be a productivity Ninja' was released this week, I was quite excited. The world is full of books that tell us how to make our lives easier but most are no more than another quick fix, often requiring us to master some overly complicated system that we don't have time for. Invariable a list of self help productivity manuals will accrue on the bookshelf, simply charting our own sense of failure.


Grahams book is simple. It's not about managing your world, it's about managing yourself. It doesn't teach you to be perfect, it teaches you to accept who you are. It will not teach you to get to the top by adding things to your to do list, it gives you the skills of working out what is important and reducing the chaos.  Most of all, it gets rid of guilt and once you do that, you achieve so much more.


And that's because Graham understands people, projecting a sense of calm insight into every word he writes. When you read this book it makes so much sense that you cannot quite believe it took someone else to tell you. To the rest of us with our scattered paintball approach to organisation, Graham Allcot is like a sniper.


And like all the good things - it all starts within.








Thursday 5 July 2012

Profound my arse

I have just had a deep and meaningful conversation with one of my dearest male friends.

I shared my revelations.

His summary was as follows:


  • You are lovely the way you are
  • When men flirt with you they are only ever interested in one thing. 
  • On the whole, most men are tossers
  • You should remain cynical of any man that comes anywhere near you

It would appear that any threat profound thought placed on the shoe collection has been dealt with. 

Being superficial and cynical is apparently a much safer haven.

I give up






Irony, insight and a new perspective


I had a conversation last night that hinged around the fact that I was considered to be insightful. Apparently to the point of Witchdom.

Over the years I have grown used to the fact that the way in which my mind works can and does intimidate people. I have had countless friends tell me I need to stop analysing things and just accept things as they are. Which is advice that comes with a strong thread of irony.

Ironic since with all the love and intention that comes with those nuggets of advice, is perhaps the lack of acceptance for who I am. There is no question that my mind has been the vehicle for deep routed pain. When people hurt me, they can do so to a level that sometimes forces me to question whether others feel the same pain. It’s invariably not with malice, more of a result of not accepting their own issues. The problem with my mind is that I can work out the issues and thus can never hate the person for behaviour that my gut instinct tells me – makes them unhappy. 

So I accept that they are not unkind. Understanding their behaviour affords me no vehicle for anger. As a result, my own process of healing takes considerably longer than would be reasonably expected.

So last night was an evening of yet more irony. I had a conversation with a man who further back in time had messed with both my head and my heart. I learnt a lot from him. Mainly that the issues he had, were ones that were also part of my own personality. I don’t have a fear that a relationship might not work. I have a fear that it might.  My Achilles heel is vulnerability.

A friend advised recently that I need a man that doesn’t put up with my thought process. That advice comes from love, since as a friend - she knows the real me. But she is wrong – what I would need is a man perceptive enough to see through defence mechanisms and strong enough to not be scared of them.

And I scare people, which all comes down to the insightful thing. If you have an issue, I will nail it. I don’t seek to, it’s just the mind I have. I don’t have a problem with people’s issues but if they do, it becomes a problem. There can be nothing harder than trying to pretend you are the toughest person in the world only to have someone raising an eyebrow in your direction. Which I will.

Yet last night was a revelation to me. I have spent many years thinking that my life would be simpler and less painful if I didn’t have a mind that thought things through from every angle, in a split second. It’s not a new issue, I vividly recall feeling deeply lonely as a child - wishing with all my might that my brain would just stop whirring. It never did.

So the real irony is that in seeking to understand others and accepting them with their faults is the one thing about myself that others can often find hard to accept. In this they never really accepted who I am which in turn, means I never have either.

So as I sat last night listening to a man that I have always understood too well for his comfort, talk about my insightfulness in positive terms - was a watershed moment. He spoke of my blog, his view of my insight and my perception of situations with what appeared to be genuine admiration. More importantly, it was a brief moment without guard and without suspicion. And for a brief moment I saw that in accepting me for who I am, showed a glimmer of the man I know him to be.

Perhaps one day I will meet someone who can accept that I am who I am. The things I have written on this blog may have been raw, they may have been harsh but they all came from my bizarre thought process and they all came from honesty.

Maybe one day I will get past the meaningless flirtations, the challenging banter, to trust that when a man shows an interest – it’s not merely because they may consider me to be attractive. Perhaps when I enter into flirtation and banter it might be that I stop assuming there only to be one goal at the end of it, and it isn’t my mind. Perhaps one day, I will meet a man that doesn’t turn me into their mission because I challenge their pre-conceived ideas of what a woman should be. Perhaps, just perhaps I will get to a place where I can trust someone makes the effort because they see the real me, not the one I offer.

So to the man that fucked with my head, I thank you for offering me a moment where being me felt valued. To offer a view that was unsought, unexpected and with no cost attached. It was a long road and I am glad that what I always saw is who you are. I wish you nothing but happiness.

As for me, I may at some point – consider dropping the sparring gloves.

But it will take an insightful man.

I may have to think about all of this.