Last nights conversation was not heavy. Hum drum normal, which was great until he asked about what was going on with the house, the divorce and that 'ex husband' person. There is clearly concern. There was advice on making sure that I had everything read through before every signature was penned. The other evening there was bewilderment that I should have chosen to spend most of my life with a man that had different morals, ethics and views on life, different expectations, philosophies and heart. I had not really considered any of that but once pondered - had to confess that his bewilderment was nothing compared to mine.
It was a surreal conversation. It was normal, it was what people talk about in a 'relationship'. But we are not in one, we are simply seeing each other. I realised that 'normal' is not somewhere I particularly want to go. The normal in life is frankly so dull or depressing that I would be entirely happy to keep it out of any 'non relationship'. I do not want to talk about ex husband since the days when he does not enter my head are so much better than the days he does. I do not want to talk about mortgages, MOT's or gas bills - I want to lie in bed with someone and talk about philosophy, art and other people.
The poor confused fellow who does not want a relationship is unwittingly stepping into relationship territory and I am panicking because I feel really uncomfortable with making anything normal. It seems that the man I find myself in a no win situation with, is in fact in a no win situation himself.
On a more amusing not, I nipped out to a friends house this evening. She was already in her third gin and tonic when she declared that I was 'glowing'.
"Physical attention' say I, followed by "And why are you glowing'?
It turns out that she had been benefiting form some unexpected and rather enjoyed attention herself. "How lovely" say I - until I spot the pregnancy testing kit.
Which would have been normal had she not been 51 and 6 months into a menopause. Post periods or not - she has a metallic taste, off wine (unheard of) and feels 'odd'. So I refuse to leave until she completes the pregnancy test.
It was quite hysterically funny, she couldn't read the instructions properly since her eye sight is no longer what it should be. Add this to the very strong gin and you end up with a negative test result, aided in part by weeing on the plastic and completely non absorbent end of the test.
She has assured me of her intention to retest in the morning with the assistance of sobriety and daylight.
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