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Wednesday, 11 February 2009

I can't decide to write on snow, vomit or trust - I may have to cover all three:

Snow - Call me a lapse parent but I all for days when schools close due to snow. Really, it happens so rarely can we not all embrace it without whingeing about financial crisis and raising a nation of slackers. Some of my fondest memories are those days in which the school bus failed to make it and if my children get the same pleasure then good. There are huge benefits. When else would it be okay for your teenager to be running around outside at midnight given full permission to pelt you with hard objects? The little ones were less thrilled - not used to cold they were convinced they were actually dying. Middle child sulked because despite waking him up at midnight to see if he wanted to join in - he has no recollection of it. He has the same memory lapses when it comes to who ate my chocolate, so he is an unreliable source.

No more than two days of alas. The local headmaster impressed yet again with his warmth for the young by banning all snow balls and indeed, merely touching the stuff. When one hapless chap became overexcited and took snow into the classroom, he received a two day exclusion. Rumour has it that there was a one day isolation for making a snowman. Can you imagine if a snowball had been thrown in his direction?

On the subject of throwing.....Middle child has a lack of executive function skills. In simple form - he lacks the ability to place all the little jumps to complete a task. For instance, if I make a cup of tea, I can figure out all the steps subconsciously. He cannot. Great Ormond Street were good at point out some problematic areas but failed to mention vomiting and the inability to consider moving to the toilet. Instead I get a child that vomits from where he is sitting. Then, convinced it is actually chasing him, panics, backs away and vomits somewhere else. Five minutes in and it looks like the stomach acid version of the chain saw massacre.

By this time I am losing patience and sleep. It is 2am and I am almost in a coma. In a desperate bid to control the situation and clean carpets, wall, furniture and bed - I send hysterical vomiting child into bathroom. This was a mistake. He knew to stand in front of the toilet but not to bend your head. Three minutes of not being supervised and he shares his contents with the walls, mirror, floor, clothing, basin and bath. When I scream 'Kneel down' he complies by kneeling in the biggest pool of vomit he can find. None of this was pleasant.

After having my knee operation cancelled for the 2nd time I am almost constantly crippled and drugged. Neither harmonious with raising children or dogs. Apparently not for working either - a moment of boredom this morning and I have discovered that I have been resigned as 'Its' company secretary. Personally I would call this constructive dismissal but I don't think it applies in law, although in terms of a relationship the message is quite clear. Oh how life would be easier if people were simple honest.

It is so sad that anyone who has chosen to have a family sees their wife as a parasite, only interested in what they can gain from it. Surely the whole point in a family is what you can give to it, and that is where you reap the benefit. Really, if I was going to bleed someone dry - there must be easier ways than giving birth to hundreds of children. A rich man, maybe one child, the odd holiday and enough money to get your haircut regularly may have been worth it but a house full of boys, vomit and eBay is hardly my smartest move if I was seeking gain.

If there is no heart then there is no family and if a man sees there role as bricks and mortar and no more then everyone ends up lonely.

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