Thank God I am not a spider

I have never really been sure if I believe in horoscopes, taking the view that you make your own future. State of mind, attitude to life, openness to people and experience must surely play a large part of the road you travel. But I'm also open minded. There are so many things that I know so little about that I believe that it is far better to be open to a wider concept than to follow the thought that if I don't believe in it, it doesn't exist.

So on the whole, I don't read horoscopes. After all, if the predictions for the coming week were accurate they would affect everyone of the same birth sign. In a small town, life would only have variation dependent of the number of star signs.

Sometime ago and perhaps I posted it on here - I completed all the relevant birth details for an online horoscope profile. The accuracy of my personal traits was quite disconcerting. I have idea as to how banging in my DOB, place of birth and exact timing would profile me in such an accurate way, but it did.

The Cancerian Crab, with an emotional shell around so hard that it takes some perseverance to get inside. Yet once penetrated, deeply loyal. One man in my life said "Hard as nails on the outside but  marshmallow inside" This statement made before extra few pounds were added and the outside became more like a marshmallow too. Ironic that he spent month bashing down barriers until I finally said I cared. At that point he had to be attached to an ECG machine. Not an experience that encourages one to be forth coming.

But it's a fair point.

I had supper with a friend on Friday evening and we had a long conversation on the very matter. Unable to see how I could be seen as hard, she made the fatal mistake of being really, really lovely. So I cried. On the positive side, the waiter was so alarmed he didn't advise me of the option for tipping, so it was a cheaper night than planned.

I don't like being vulnerable, if I let my guard down and think someone may hurt me, I'll retreat faster than you can blink. It's not a good thing. If I get hurt, I would rather chew my toenails than admit it. I spend a lot more time than is necessary assuming I need to outwit people. Its limiting.

I blame me. I'm perfectly normal with men that don't interest me. With men that cause an eyebrow to raise in interest (not a common occurrence) the defences go up, which really is the opposite of what should happen. It's tricky.

Clearly a crab. Thank god I'm not a black widow spider