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Sunday, 13 May 2012

Thigh deep in cycling

There are many things you can judge a man on. And whilst I set the bar quite high for integrity, value and morals, it starts with the thighs.

In the years I spent married, I can't say that I paid undue attention to men's thighs. One can only assume that since infidelity is not a practise I would partake in, that there was little reason for  to do. That all changed the day 'It' walked out and I discovered that a well toned body was something to be admired. With divorce came the belated and utter admiration for a pair of well toned thighs. Possibly to an unhealthy degree. If the well toned thighs come with well defined upper arms and a torso with tone - I am done for.

Put me within 5ft of well toned thighs and I lose the ability to communicate normally. There are those that would argue this to be my normal articulation ability, but anyone that has seen me respond to those with the right body - will know that I turn into a total airhead.

Which is unfortunate.

It is fair to say that living with a man that never exercised did little to feed the admiration for the male body. Post dutiful wife role I can see that in fact, the suitable kempt male body- is a thing of utter beauty. Sadly, it can be short lived. Far too many men act like peacocks, with lots of preening in a bid to secure a mate. Once found, they start eating. Before you know it, you are curled up on the sofa clutching someone's muffin top and the thighs become like a shelf for the remote.

But this new adoration for mens thighs comes with a price - and that is the envy that comes with it. Whilst gazing in admiration, I find myself hankering after the kind of muscle tone that feeds my inappropriate thought process. On high level thigh envy, I decide I need start cycling.

So I go to the bike shop and try a girls bike.  It's also very small which given my stature, should be perfect. I sit on it and feel like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I try a bigger one and still look like I have a spine disorder. Far worse, its red and white and frankly, it's a bit girlie.

The mens bike is matt charcoal, so I want it already because I am a girl and we choose technical stuff on important criteria, such as the colour. Sitting on it and it feels almost comfortable, if a little short.

"You are body is better suited to a man's bike" say's the man

"Are you saying that I have a man's body?" say I

"What I mean" he say's, back peddling frantically

"Is that women's bike's are designed for average women, and you are clearly not one of those"

So I leave the shop with my man's bike, feeling inordinately chuffed that I am not like other women.

And then I tackle my first hill. It is not as easy as it looks.

Apparently, it takes more than a mans bike and a lot of Lycra to get those thighs.

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