Monday, 2 March 2015

You cannot control happiness but fear depends on it.

I have been deep in thought all week. And debate. I have had heated discussions on the current state of affairs in the Middle East,  debates on the Koran, the hypocrisy of Christianity, what colour a dress is, the ignorance of arrogance, the sadness of people that control and the misery of those that are controlled

And I figure that the root of all control, of domination, manipulation and plain unkindness - is fear, fear of not being in control.

And even for those that allow themselves to be controlled, it is the fear of taking control that paralyses them, the fear of what happens when they are not controlled. It's all a rather pointless self fulfilling prophecy.

So what is the point? None of it creates happiness. To feel the need to control others, to always get what you want, is the very thing that prevents ultimate happiness. You cannot truly receive until you can truly give. When you control others, there is a part of your soul that is simply closed off.

Religion is all about control. It is fundamentally a code of conduct that creates consequence for actions that do not adhere to the rules within it. This creates control through fear. Religion is a belief that many need and perhaps they are simply ruled by a fear that there is nothing more than themselves and it is the self that creates the life around, not a religion that tells them their view of the world. Perhaps it is merely fear of thinking for ourselves that creates the issue. I suspect it is really just fear of taking responsibility for our own thoughts and actions that is the real issue.

Controlling relationships create fear and yet the need to control someone else is all about your own fears.

Working your way up the corporate ladder? You are climbing rungs that are rooted in fear. You enter a world in which you will play the game to protect your own back. You will be terrified of putting yourself in a position of risk. Your fear of loss and status will make you play the game, because if you don't - there will always be someone coming up behind you to take over.

And then there are the bullies, the ones that fear not being socially accepted, not being strong enough, not being good enough or simply not being in control of their own lives. What better way to control those feelings than to make someone else feel worse than you do.

But really, where does all of this get us?

Take my marriage. My husband controlled me because he hated the control I had over him. He loved me in his own way, but he hated that I had that control over him and so he punished me with control. He was unhappy, so he made me unhappy. And the more he did it, the more I let him because by then,   I was too scared to take responsibility for my own happiness. Since I was unhappy, I carried on letting him control me. Then I learnt that control was about someone else need, not mine.

So imagine a world in which we walked away from fear. We simply stopped this fear creating the need to control others, to control life and everything in it. Imagine a world where we just accepted that the fear of the unknown, is just a response.

Imagine a world in which we were all simply contented enough that we didn't feel the need to control everyone and everything around us.

Imagine a world in which we didn't accept control because we were not scared of being ourselves.

Don't hold your breath

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