And now the end is near and so I face the final curtain...........

It has been an odd week. Things are afoot and I have struggled. The enormity of having your life dangled over you, all whilst trying to cope with all of the issues that go with children, school, health, life etc have seen for a few moments of wondering how I can keep summoning the strength to continue juggling it all.

In my bid to ensure the children have a holiday - I have flights, no accommodation and no dog sitter, oh and no passports. this is a minor blip on a sea of chaos.

It is my very last wedding anniversary today. 17 years of marriage, 23 years of co-habiting and 29 years on knowing someone. All about to come to an end and one in which we all move forward trying to pretend it never happened and they no longer really exist in your life. This has not been a good week and today it got worse.

If there is one thing I am learning is that trust is on a platform of our own choosing. We all decide how much we trust people and in doing so - how much we are willing to expose ourselves emotionally. I have known for some time that I trust far too much but protected my self from exposing every raw emotion, every fear, every vulnerability and every thought is something that opens me to huge deep routed hurt. Do I learn from this? Nope, I just forge ahead assuming that I can trust everyone with my feelings.

I need to start learning this. I was once criticised by a very close friend for keeping my true emotions too in check. I have worked hard on this and in truth I have struggled to contain them. This blog allowed me to do this, to offload it and to dump it. The cruelty in 'It's behaviour left me very vulnerable to exposing myself to others, keeping it together was no easy task and at times I failed dismally.

So I became the kind of person I was not. The person that truly opened up, that shared thoughts and feelings that would leave them feeling very exposed. I now think that being the person I was - was probably far, far safer.

Life is about to get a whole heap trickier. I am on emotional burnout and physically exhausted by illness and life. The blog is about to end. People know way too much about me - it may have been what I needed at the time but it was exceptionally stupid of me.

Its like another failed marriage. Vulnerability, broken trust and hurt.

*THE END*