A monumental argument. If you leave a 5 year old in a car whilst you go to the supermarket, you are going to get a text from the Mother. If you ignore it - you are going to seek further wrath. Ignore it again and you are going to force woman to speak to the one person that she would be happy never to exchange anything with ever again. Perhaps this is the game plan.

So we had a heated exchange. Actually, it was me that got heated. He just kept putting the phone down. This tactic is one that is used in many different forms in this relationship. Basically it means: I am not going to discuss anything I choose not to - so I won't.

Yet, I still remain the route cause of all his angst in life. I am responsible for all decisions and all his actions. He has walked away from his life, friends and neighbours because I made him. I pointed out that since he doesn't really have any friends, I couldn't have made him walk away from them. He has loads apparently. I guess in the great scheme of life it is easy to create a whole new network of people that will tell you what you want to hear. When none of your friends have met your family - these are not friends and you are kidding yourself that they really know anything about you. When you have no one to call upon that have seen you through larger parts of your life - you need to take a good long hard look at your social communication skills.

I digress. Incensed, I drove to his house and banged firmly on the door. We argued. He proved everything I already knew and for that I shall remain grateful.

Apparently I need help, therapy or counselling as I am delusional. I had no choice but to laugh. He claimed again that I had never taken my children to school. I thought of getting a written declaration from the teaching staff to the contrary, but really - do they need to know that the boys father is slightly insane and can warp the past to such an extent that it actually does not exist. You would think that if I really was insane and dillusional that he would be worried about the childrens emotional well being and fighting for custody.

Yet he is not. In fact - it is now 4 weeks since he declared his happiness at being with another woman to his children. At no point has he directly contacted the teenager. How can you not walk over hot coals to make sure your children are okay? I guess when you are blaming everyone else, then you are so busy thinking about your own needs that you become incapable of recognising anyone elses. Yet these are children, and there is no excuse.

To protect your children you put your own needs on the back burner for as long as it takes - you don't do just what you want and damn the consequences to everyone else. This is not Fatherhood and this is not being a man. When the middle child has not wanted to go there - it failed to occur to him why. He saw the teenager yesterday and when he had finally finished talking on his mobile, he managed a brief hello. At the end of the play, he could not get out of there fast enough. Apparently 'Why would I want to say hello to your mother'. Personally, if you have no problem with your behavior, the sheer fact that she is the Grandmother to your children would be enough to make you. He decided not to wait 5 minutes to congratulate the little ones because to do so, may have made him uncomfortable. I have asked a male friend to teach me how to punch because at some point in my life - I fully intend to break his nose.

Anyhow, I learnt a lot. It was at the point where he denied saying a few of the things that he had said to the children, that I started to see the wood for the trees. He effectively called me, the children and my family liars because all of the things he has said - we all imagined. Clearly we all need therapy. This is going to be expensive. I also realised when I looked at this man - who yet again, has not one ounce of emotion - that he really does not give a stuff who he hurts and as long as he can blame it all elsewhere, he is free to get on with his choices.

With a straight face he told me that I would be the last person he would tell that he was leaving 'What would be the point.' Duh, how normal is that? Not in a million years would I ever treat anyone I had children with, or my own children in the way he has. His lack of compassion, his clear selfish intent to cause pain, lack of shame in the way he has behaved and handled things - shocks me to the core and I finally realised that there is no space in my life for anyone capable of being this way. I think this is part of letting go. It is realising that the person you are staring at is really, not very nice.

Last night was a good thing. I don't envy him, I feel sorry for him. I can finally move forward because there is nothing in the past that I want.